I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
