Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
