he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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