This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We are all done wearing pants today
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize