I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
