I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
