If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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