suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
