did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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