its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
