Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize