If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
