no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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