No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
