3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
