shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
