I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
