If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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