I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
