Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
