the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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