He kissed a someone with a penis
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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