You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize