hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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