Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
