We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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