I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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