I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
