She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
