I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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