We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
