He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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