I haven't been this sober since birth.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
