you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
