I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
