You just made me feel so damn special
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
