Screwed.edu
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
His hands were made for my vagina.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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