I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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