You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
