your room smells of hookers.
And success
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
