Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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