i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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