He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
