Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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