it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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