4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
