my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
