Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
