everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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