I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
