yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
