Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
