DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize