HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize