Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
