fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its not stalking. its research.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
