$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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