so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
