Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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