Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Will exercising make me less horny?
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