If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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