**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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