Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
