So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
